just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
