Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
