I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
