bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
