Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm passing your future prison.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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