I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
