I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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