You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
