So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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