I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
