maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
