Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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