idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Apparently you make a good broom.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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