Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
