Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
