Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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