I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
