Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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