vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
