Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
