where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
