ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
