She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
