My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
