i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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