splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
