she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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