i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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