My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
