Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
