He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
