I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
