Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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