Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
