i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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