After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
