Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
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So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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