honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
