I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
