I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
