1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
only you would photoshop your dick
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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