FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
