How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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