so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
