the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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