Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
