The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
