Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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