You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
