Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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