pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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