Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
