I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
