A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
