Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize