Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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