watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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