He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
