i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I want is dick and wine.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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