READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
