The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
