I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
