Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
