I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
