He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
