a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
