hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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