i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
