I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
