I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
