She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
