HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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