We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
